Parenting 

Potty Training 101

20 Best-Ever Potty Training Tips

 

By Lauren Wiener

 

 

• Are you counting down the days to the toilet transition? Or maybe you've already dabbled in a few less-than-successful attempts? Either way, we heard one thing again and again: Your kid has to be good and ready. And don't worry, he will be someday. "No child is going to graduate high school in diapers," says Carol Stevenson, a mom of three from Stevenson Ranch, California, who trained each one at a different age. "But it's so easy to get hung up and worried that your child's a certain age and not there yet, which adds so much pressure and turns it into a battle." Once you're convinced your kid's ready to ditch the diapers (watch for signs like showing an interest in the bathroom, telling you when she has to go, or wanting to be changed promptly after pooping), try any of these tricks to make it easier.

• After a couple of failed attempts, I tried a new technique while Mom was away on a well-deserved weekend with her friends. We covered the couch and chairs with plastic and bought "manly-man" underwear -- just like Dad's. We spent the weekend in underwear and T-shirts, making a game every hour or so to see who could go to the restroom. There were very few accidents and just blocking out a weekend made for very little stress. It's still one of my favorite memories.

    -- Scott Smith; Mount Washington, Kentucky

Target Practice 

• Getting my son to learn the standing-up thing was hard, so we turned it into a game. I put five Cheerios in the potty and told him to aim at them when he peed. Every time he did it right, he got to pick out a prize from a bag of goodies I picked up at the dollar store. -- Erika Cosentino; Lawrenceville, New Jersey

  Little White Lies 

What's the Frequency?

• I wish I could take credit for his training, but the amazing teachers at his daycare did the hard suff: Putting him on the toilet every 20 minutes, without fail. We just followed their lead at home. And I think the fact that he saw his classmates going on the potty made him want to also.

    -- Roberta Perry; Phoenixville, Pennsylvania
 

• We found that our son simply was not interested in remembering to go on his own, so we found the Potty Watch, which he loved. You program this wrist watch to play songs and light up at 30-, 60-, or 90-minute intervals; then it resets itself and starts the countdown all over again.

     -- Heather Ledeboer; Athol, Idaho

The Naked Truth

• Once my kids were interested in the potty concept -- around 2 to 2 1/2 -- we let them run around naked before bathtime and encouraged them to use the potty. Then I let them go sans pants at home for extended periods of time (they did really well remembering to go as long as they didn't have any clothes on). After they mastered naked-potty use, we worked our way up to clothes (first just underwear, then eventually pants). This method was extremely painless -- very few accidents or setbacks.

    -- Jennifer Walker; Cleveland, Ohio

Figuring Out the Fear

• Our first son began peeing on the potty at 18 months, but he was scared to do "the other." After offering many rewards and becoming very frustrated, we turned to the doctor, who explained that some children view bowel movements as a literal part of themselves and are afraid to watch them flush away. (This made so much sense because he was a very analytical child.) After showing him a children's anatomy book and explaining how the digestive system worked, he started going #2 the very next day!

    -- Ginny Graham; Collegeville, Pennsylvania

Sticker Shock

• Every time each of our toddlers used the potty, I decorated their outfits with stickers. At the end of the day they showed off their rows of stickers (which looked like an army general's stars) to their father. So they got double the praise for their potty training successes, and I got an inexpensive and easy way to reward them.

    -- Jen Singer; Kinnelon, New Jersey

Patience Is a Virtue 

• When I thought my daughter was ready (around 26 months), we went to the toilet every 10 minutes -- even if we were out. We slowly worked up to 15 minutes, 20 minutes, etc., and after a day or two, she could pee on her own. Poop was a different story -- I had to goad her with M&M's!

    -- Elissa Murnick; Fairfield, Connecticut 
 

• My son mastered peeing on the potty pretty quickly, but nailing #2 took some extra effort. At first we had to watch for his "cues" to tell he was trying to go poop and then bring him to the bathroom. Because it took a while (sometimes more than a half-hour) we started reading to him to make the wait more fun. But above all else, patience, patience, patience is the key!

    -- Karen J. Wright; Mankato, Minnesota

 

Find the Right Bribe

• We tried Cheerios, M&M's, potty charts, cheerleader rants and screams, but nothing worked. My son has always been obsessed with cars and trucks and luckily, the movie Cars had just come out. My husband scoured the local stores to collect all the figurines featured in the movie. We saw the movie, then we told my son that every time he went potty he'd get a car. It was magical. After 15 cars, he was totally potty trained. I'm sure Disney would be so proud.

    -- Darlene Fiske; Austin, Texas

 

Go for Broke

• Just go cold turkey. My 2-year-old seemed ready for potty training but none of the "tricks" were working. We picked a Saturday, put him in big-boy underwear and braced ourselves. He went in his pants four or five times within the first hour; we kept changing him and telling him that he needed to use the potty instead. After a really long day, he got the hang of it and was all potty trained by Monday. He still had the occasional accident, but making the switch once and for all really seemed to work.

    -- Pamela Scott; York, Pennsylvania

 

Location, Location, Location

• We found that the kiddie lids that go on top of the toilet were too intimidating to use right away. (Plus, since they usually need a step stool, it can take too long for children to reach the toilet in time.) So I started my 2-year-old daughter with a mini-Elmo potty seat, which we kept in the living room, since she spent the most time there. We gradually moved it closer and closer to the bathroom, and eventually worked our way up to a Dora seat that went right on top of the toilet.

    -- Tracy Burton; Grand Ledge, Michigan

On the Road

• My daughter was terrified of the automatic flushers in public restrooms, so I started doing this trick. Put a Post-It note over the sensor and it will prevent the toilet from auto-flushing. After she's all done, wiped, and left the stall, you can remove the paper to let the toilet flush.

    -- Tracy Marines; Lancaster, Pennsylvania

 

• We travel with a small toilet with a removable seat to help my daughter feel more comfortable on the "scary" big potties in public restrooms.

    -- Christine Louise Hohlbaum; Paunzhausen, Germany

Talking to Your Pre-Teen or Teen About Waiting

 Do you know that 53% of high school students have not had sexual intercourse? ¹

 Do you know that, according to one survey, two-thirds of teens who have had sexual intercourse wish they had waited? ²

 Do you know that when parents tell their teenager they want them to wait, their son or daughter is more likely to wait? ³

Waiting until marriage to have sex is a very healthy decision for teens. You can help your pre-teen or teen decide to wait.

You don’t have to know everything about teens and sex. What you really need to know is how to talk to your child, pre-teen or teen about what you believe. You should talk early and often. It's never too early to start the conversation. And it's never too late.

• When your child is young, talk about love and relationships. Talk about respecting other people and respecting yourself.
• When your son or daughter becomes a pre-teen, you should begin to talk about your values on dating, boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, and waiting to have sex.
• Once your son or daughter is a teenager, the conversation continues. And you should keep talking as he or she gets older about sex, relationships, and making healthy choices. You should also talk about the importance of avoiding pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
• Always let your child, pre-teen, or teen know you love him or her. Always let them know you are available to talk and to listen.

This part of the website gives you advice on how to talk to your son or daughter about relationships and waiting until marriage to have sex.

All of the topics in this part of the website are listed in the gray bar at the left of your screen.

How do you feel about talking with your son or daughter about sex? Are you uncomfortable? If you are, you are not alone. When we talked to parents across the country, we heard that parents think this is a very tough topic to talk about.

Many parents think:

• they don’t know enough about the topic;
• their son or daughter won’t listen;
• their pre-teen or teen is not ready;
• they think they know what their son or daughter is doing “all the time”; and
• that if they tell their pre-teen or teen NOT to have sex, that their son or daughter WILL have sex.

Some parents think, “Well, nobody talked to me!”

This website seeks to help parents obtain the tools and facts to have these difficult discussions with their children. Your son or daughter needs to hear what you think and why. They need to know your expectation when it comes to sex, that you want them to wait until marriage.

Did you know that about one out of every three 9th graders has had sexual intercourse at least once? There’s another thing we know. Even the best parents cannot know what their son or daughter is doing all of the time. So start talking with your child, pre-teen, or teen. And make sure he or she knows they can always come and talk to you.4

You don’t really want friends or television or music videos or the internet teaching your son or daughter about sex, do you? Of course not – only you can tell your son or daughter how you think he or she should behave. Only you can tell your son or daughter that YOU want him or her to wait.

Your child really does want to hear what YOU think about sex. Really!5

• 9 out of 10 teens (94%) think that adults should let teens know they should wait to have sex at least until they get out of high school.
• Nearly 9 out of 10 (88%) teens say it would be easier to avoid early sexual activity and teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations about these topics with their parents.⁶
• 6 out of 10 (59%) teens say their parents are their role models of healthy, responsible relationships.⁷

You can talk to your pre-teen or teen about sex. You can tell them about good relationships and making good choices. You can tell them your values.

Your son or daughter might look like he or she is not listening. Your child might act bored. But your child IS hearing you. Talk to your pre-teen or teen about sex. Talk early and often. For some tips on how to do it, please visit Talking Tips.

How to Talk to Your Pre-Teen or Teen

People communicate in many different ways. The most obvious is talking, what we say. But HOW you say things is just as important. And listening is just as important as talking. If your son or daughter feels like you don’t listen to what he or she has to say, he or she won’t listen to you.

Here are some things to think about when talking with your child, pre-teen, or teen:

What is your tone of voice? When you are talking to your son or daughter, HOW do you sound? Encouraging? Interested? Angry? Bored?

What is your body language? How do you LOOK to your son or daughter? Try to sit or stand in a relaxed position. Don’t look “all tense.” Face your son or daughter. Look at him or her when you are talking and when you are listening.

What does your face look like? You say a lot when you smile, frown, roll your eyes, or tighten your jaw like you are angry. When you talk with your son or daughter make eye contact.

Are you listening, really listening? It sounds simple, but listening is very important. The best listening is called “active listening.” It means making eye contact, nodding your head in understanding, and having positive facial expressions.

Want some more tips for talking with your pre-teen or teen? Visit Some Good Ways to Talk and Talking Tips.

Some Good Ways to Talk

Want your son or daughter to know your values and beliefs about sex? It’s simple – tell him or her. If you can do a good job talking with your son or daughter, and building a strong relationship, you can help keep him or her safe and healthy.

The two most important things to communicate are:

• “I love you and will always love you.”
• “I have expectations for your behavior.”

Here are seven important parts of the many conversations you will have with your son or daughter. For each, we point out the right way and the wrong way to communicate.

We know it can be hard to make time to talk with your son or daughter. That's very true if you have to work a lot. But do the best you can. Give your son or daughter as much of your time as you can. Remember it's not just talking. It's being available for you child, pre-teen, or teen.

One other thing: when you see your children do something right, tell them. They'll be more likely to do it again.

To learn more, visit Enjoying a Good Relationship with Your Son or Daughter.

Enjoying a Good Relationship with Your Son or Daughter

Whether you are married, a single parent, a grandparent, or guardian, you can enjoy a good relationship with your child, pre-teen or teen. You can do this by being available for your son or daughter, showing that you love him or her, and building trust between you and your son or daughter.

It’s also important that you act like a parent. What do we mean by that? A lot of parents try to be their son or daughter’s friend. That’s not what he or she needs from you. He or she needs you to be a parent. Sometimes, your son or daughter may not like you, and he or she will get angry at you – like when you enforce the rules. (And let’s face it: this is a normal part of being a parent.) But he or she will love and respect you. Here are some more suggestions:

Being Available. Spend as much time as you can with your son or daughter. But even if you have to work a lot, maybe even more than one job to take care of your family, you can still be available to your son or daughter. You can show that you are available by listening when your son or daughter asks a question or wants to tell you about something that’s happened. And find things to do and places to go together.

It’s important to be involved in your child’s life. This is true for mothers and fathers – research shows that mothers and fathers make a big difference for children. Studies show that mothers and fathers are just as important for helping children be healthy and do well in school. ¹¹ It is important that mom and dad be involved even if they are not living together, and even if mom or dad is not living with the children.

Showing Your Love. When it comes to making your child, pre-teen or teen feel loved, what you do is as important as what you say. Your son or daughter needs to see that you care. Go to his or her school and after-school events, like plays or sporting events. Meet with your son or daughter’s teachers. Do something with your son or daughter that he or she likes to do – go to the mall, a ballgame, or a movie. Start a conversation with him or her. A good way is to just ask a question about what’s going on at school or other activities.

By being available for your son or daughter and showing your love, and treating him or her with respect you will build trust between the two of you.

Give your child hope for the future. Help him or her identify his or her goals. Let him or her know that you believe he or she can achieve these goals. Tell him or her that you will do whatever you can to help. And talk about what you hope for your son or daughter when it comes to building their own family. Tell them why marriage can be a happy and healthy relationship. Even if you are not married, you can teach your son or daughter why you hope he or she has a good marriage. To learn more about the benefits of marriage, visit Why is Marriage Important?

Give your pre-teen or teen responsibility. Teach him or her to respect themselves and other people. Your son or daughter must know what will happen if he or she makes bad choices.

Show respect to your son or daughter, and expect respect in return. Listen to your son or daughter. Treat their ideas and opinions seriously. Let your son or daughter know that you expect to be treated with respect because you are the parent.

Help your son or daughter to be emotionally and physically healthy. It’s important for pre-teens and teens to eat well and exercise. Encourage your son or daughter to exercise, whether that means playing on a basketball team or going for walks in the neighborhood. Have family meals together, when the television is off and the family is together around the table.

Encourage your son or daughter to get enough rest. As teenagers grow up, they need even more sleep than most adults. It might look like “laziness,” but it is really a need for sleep.

coutesy 4parents.com

The Nurturing Parent
Abuse, neglect, abandonment, violence and abduction ... these tragic realities are what many children in America live with. Sadly, violence and neglect towards children is nothing new ... it is deeply rooted in cultural and religious values.

We must nurture our children ...it is one of the important things we can do. A parents' love and caring determines how a child grows up and how a child will eventually parent.

Adults can nurture children's positive self-esteem by helping them discover what they are good at doing. Part of a child's self esteem comes from feeling competent and skilled at something they enjoy. By creating opportunities for children to explore different objects, activities, and people ... and nurturing those interests, you can play a big role in helping children to be successful and feel good about themselves.

The early years are when children show personality traits and preferences for what they like and dislike. By planning opportunities with children's unique personality styles in mind, you nurture their positive feelings about themselves.

Nurturing children, building a loving and caring relationship is not always easy. With patience and love – you can do it!

• Treat each child according to their needs.

• Every child needs parents who can notice and appreciate their special   qualities. When siblings are involved, trying to treat each equally usually   backfires and undermines children's individuality.

• Focus attention whenever possible, avoiding distractions.

If children want to interact at a time when you cannot be fully attentive, let them know and schedule a time for conversation and/or play when you can focus entirely on them. Children usually know when adults are only half-listening and can feel frustrated, unheard, and at times even unloved when this happens. Listening to children with your full attention helps strengthen their sense of importance and gives the message that you really want to hear what they are thinking and feeling.

• Listen sensitively, avoid (too much) questioning, and describe the situation.

• Children will usually shut down emotionally when parents bombard them with   questions. They feel on the spot and pressured when adults probe and   inquire too much about their day. Describing the situation is a neutral and   non-intrusive approach that leaves room for children to respond in their own   way.

• Use "I" messages and try to avoid blaming and accusations. This will allow   you to express your feelings about a particular behavior without attacking   your child's character or self-esteem.

• Set limits that are appropriate to children's age, temperament and stage of   development.

When parents have limited time with their children, they may tend to let things go and not set reasonable and necessary limits. Children need to know that you – their parent or caregiver have the interest, energy and authority to set appropriate standards for behavior and the skills to follow through.

Start traditions that feel comfortable and fit your parenting style and financial resources. Traditions provide children with an important sense of belonging. They don't have to be elaborate in order to be fun or memorable. The most important thing you can do to start a new tradition (or continue an old one) is whatever feels comfortable and enjoyable for both the parents and children. Traditions are also important for teaching children about--and centering them in their cultures.

Take care of yourself so that you have energy and enthusiasm available for your children. It can be hard to find a balance between meeting your children's needs and making time for yourselves. It is important for you to find appropriate outlets for your feelings of stress, responsibilities, etc., and you need some 'down' time to pursue your own interests or just to unwind. Most parents find that even a short break from children can make a positive difference in the way they feel.

Parents need to fulfill themselves as parents, in their parenting roles, and also as individuals with interests outside the family. They need to go places on their own, and to do some things just for themselves. Then parents return to their children refreshed.

When you're stressed:
• Try to resolve situations before they escalate.
• Take time out.
• Call someone and express how you're feeling. Ask them to come over and   stay with the kids for a while.
• Count to 10 and think, "What do I really want to accomplish here?
• Hit a pillow to release your frustrations
• Play music
• Remember how much you love your child and think about the best way to   show that to your child.

Keep your children safe, no matter what!

The best way to keep children safe is to keep them from getting hurt in the first place. Many parents who do cause harm to their children don't mean to do it. If a parent was neglected or abused as a child, it may be that much harder to change to a more constructive behavior with their own kids. There is an abundance of support and information available to help parents accomplish raising healthy and safe children. There are many ways to successfully manage a child's behavior. When adults learn to rely on constructive, non-hurtful parenting, both parent and child feel better about themselves. Positive parenting approaches help the whole family to thrive. These approaches can be seen in other aspects of their lives as well. Parents even do better at work and their children are more successful in school.

There are two types of childhood experiences:

• Positive experiences that build strong character and a sense of self-worth   and that model a nurturing parenting style.

• Negative experiences that engulf children in parenting models of abuse,   neglect, exploitation, and victimization.

The best parenting comes from parents who create an environment that produces experiences that affect the growth of the individual child. The nurturing parent uses a nurturing touch, empathy, empowerment, and unconditional love to ensure the overall health of their child.

Abusive parents who use hitting, belittling, neglecting basic needs, and other actions that lower an individual's sense of self-worth ...or worse, have a negative impact on the health of their child.

Child abuse has a detrimental impact on a child's self-image, giving them feelings of low self-esteem, which impacts how they will treat others. Children who value themselves and treat themselves with respect show the same behavior toward others. The connection between self-worth and the worth of others is critical in child abuse prevention. Nurturing has been proven to be a positive influence on a child's self-image and self-worth.

Child abuse is the result of poorly trained adults who as parents and caregivers, try to instill discipline and educate children with the same violence that they themselves experienced as children ...because that's all they know.

Parenting is learned in childhood and repeated when children become parents. The experiences children have while growing up, have a significant impact on the attitudes, skills, and parenting practices they will use with their own children.

What is learned can be unlearned and anyone and everyone can learn good parenting skills. Even parents who are overwhelmed, or alone. The first three years of your child's life are crucial. Those are the years that your child will develop significant intellectual, emotional and social abilities. That's when they learn to give and accept love. They learn confidence, security, and empathy ... they learn to be curious and persistent ... everything your child needs to learn to relate well to others, and lead a happy and productive life. The first three years are the doorway to forever!

Nurturing children is about the way we love them ...the way we bring them up. A parent's love is our children’s destiny. It's the legacy we give them.

Love Our Children for the way we live today.


courtesy of Love Our Children USA